This evening I sat on my patio swing and whittled on a piece of wood

with my Schrade Old Timer that I had bought sometime while waiting to start law-school. Twenty-eight years ago? I think I was working for the Chicago Crime Commission then. It cuts. It was razor sharp when I bought it and it nicked my thumb when I first opened it at the knife store. It was Corrado Cutlery in Chicago. I bought most of my good knives there. Carmen Corrado has been gone a long time and so have I from there. The last knife I bought there was a Klotzli handmade in 1996.

I took out the Schrade because I lost my favorite pocket knife -- a Gerber bolt-action that I had for twenty-two years. I had put a Flicket on it so I could open it one-handed and the bolt-action let me close it one-handed. Very handy.

The Schrade has a thin, about 1/16" plain carbon steel blade that takes a good edge. I get it razor sharp with a few strokes on a dry artificial stone. It has a brass liner lock which I first saw on this knife. The reason for the nick on my thumb.

Corrado's was a block away from my big law firm job where I billed out six times my salary. The less said about that the better. I didn't stay but about a year and a half.

The patio swing is cedar logs, seat hanging on chains from an A-frame. I put it together a couple of months ago. I'll leave it age natural and stain it next year.

I replaced the bathroom window screen yesterday. Actually, I built a new one. Finished pine, 1x2 for the sides and top, 1x3 for the bottom, butted together. Oak door stop, beveled, for the molding to hold the screen. It looks nice natural, the two woods contrasting but I have to paint it to match the rest of the house trim and to preserve it. That's where the wood I was whittling on came from. An eight inch piece of 1x2 left over.

The grocery-store lady looked into my cart and asked, "Are you cooking rice?" I showed her the two steaks I was going to marinate and grill as well. We agreed that I should not pound them. They came out ok. Next time I'll take a minute off each side in grilling them. The rice is perfect.

We had a thunderstorm with five inches of rain in an hour and high gusts. I suspected a tornado. One gust put my deck umbrella through my kitchen window.

It keeps running through my head that I should label this post "My Last Summer". I'm not going to. Tuesdays are jinx days.

Less than two hours ago a homeless-looking lady approached me on the street and asked: "Can you spare some change?" I gave her a dollar. She said ...: "Can I have one more dollar?"

Men Are From Mars, Women Are...

Overheard at neighbors' house. [Thank God, not mine.]

Wife: Why do I always have to be the man in this house?
Husband: Trust me, honey. Accepting delivery from UPS of puce curtains where you had ordered lilac does not make me the least bit less manly.

The Truth About Cats And Dogs

Dog Diary:

8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite thing!

9:30 am - A car ride! My favorite thing!

9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favorite thing!

10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!

12:00 PM - Lunch! My favorite thing!

1:00 PM - Played in the yard! My favorite thing!

3:00 PM - Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!

5:00 PM - Milk bones! My favorite thing!

7:00 PM - Got to play ball! My favorite thing!

8:00 PM - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!

11:00 PM - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!

Cat Diary:

Day 983 of my captivity.My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects.They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength. The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape.

In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet.Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a "good little hunter" I am. Bastards!

There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of "allergies." I must learn what this means, and how to use it to my advantage.

Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow -- but at the top of the stairs.

I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches.The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released - and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded.

The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicate with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe. For now...

UPDATE/DISCLAIMER: This is not mine! I received it in an email from a friend who did not want to be identified on the blog. -NK

Terms Of Use

I think it's time I had Terms of Use for this site, so here they are:

"I maintain this site for my own amusement and no other reason. By visiting you expressly agree that you have no rights or expectations to anything here. If you don't like something, tough titty. Take your snivelling to your mommy and ask her to wipe your nose and give you a great big hug and ice cream."

Sopranos Final Scene

The scene below is all I have seen of the entire Sopranos series. If I want stories of amoral, murderous, sociopathic slimebuckets I'll review some of my case files. The only reason I even looked up this scene on YouTube is because so much fuss is being made about it, see e.g. here. But to tell the truth, the screenwriter and director do seem to know how long-married couples with children talk to each other.

Torturing Men In Pink Underwear -- Sometimes To Death

Sheriff Joe Arpaio of Maricopa County, Arizona has found pervert heaven.

Trust The Government On The Amnesty Bill

Because it's going to do a bang-up job on documenting those twelve or twenty million illegals "living in the shadows". Not. It can't even issue passports to U.S. citizens.

Reason Number 347 Not To Send Your Kid To A Public School

What kind of fucking psychos do they let become public school teachers these days?

INDIANAPOLIS -- Sixth-grader Matt Porter didn't enjoy getting "Most Likely Not To Have Children" and "Sir Clowns-a-Lot" awards from two teachers at his school. His parents aren't pleased,
either.

Matt said he received the awards in front of classmates during a ceremony at the Decatur Intermediate Learning Center at the end of the recently finished school year.

Pettiness, Vanity And Envy

"Where every carat of status is jealously nurtured -- and becomes a target for anybody who thinks he can profit if you lose." (Glen Cook)

A pretty fair description of the blogosphere.

Possum gizzards and turnip greens

But I couldn't find any possum gizzards at the grocery store and turnip greens are [politically incorrect epithet] food. So it's pork tenderloin chopped into bite-size chunks, simmering with thin-sliced onion and diced tomatoes, salt, pepper and dill. After about an hour I'll add peas, carrots, green beans, potatoes and baby lima beans.