Tuesday, June 24, 2008

Dowsing Rods

I swear. Sewer workers in my village were searching for drains under the sidewalk with dowsing rods. Not the wooden forked ones. The L-shaped metal ones.

I stopped and asked about it. They detect cavities in the earth according to my informant, one of the sewer workers. There is no special talent or training necessary, "you just have to know what you're doing".


Monday, June 23, 2008

Don't Settle For Anything Less

Vote for The Real Possum:

VERY IMPORTANT: Remember that under the new election rules Republicans vote on Tuesday, November 4, 2008 and Democrats on Wednesday, November 5, 2008. Under the law, precincts must be open between 7:00 a.m. and 7:00 p.m. local time. If you see any violation report it immediately by dialing 911.

Blackbird Singing In The Dead Of Night

Attacking passersby in the day.

"There's a predator lurking in Chicago-area bushes these days. He strikes from behind, when victims are least aware."

"Nesting season is in full swing for the red-winged blackbird, making the males extremely aggressive. Walk or bike too close to one's nest and expect to hear its high, menacing squawk overhead. Then comes the peck-peck-peck on your head, victims say, or claws rustling your hair."

"Anyone under the blackbird's radar should stay alert and look directly at the bird .... And when all else fails and dignity is not a factor ... the bird will shoo if you bark like a dog."

I say, just reach over and wring its neck. Then take it home, pluck it, clean it and cook it. I know for a fact that they make some good eating.

Sunday, June 22, 2008

Vero Possumus

No, this is not True Possum.

This is True Possum.

Wednesday, June 18, 2008

Just Theoretically

If you put sunblock in your six-year old's backpack, and you told the camp counselor, and the camp counselor promised you she would put it on your six-year old, and your six-year old came home with a sunburned back because the camp counselor never put the sunblock on, would you be justified in taking a blowtorch to the camp counselor's back?

Sunday, June 08, 2008