Friday, June 15, 2007

The Truth About Cats And Dogs

Dog Diary:
8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite thing!
9:30 am - A car ride! My favorite thing!
9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favorite thing!
10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!
12:00 PM - Lunch! My favorite thing!
1:00 PM - Played in the yard! My favorite thing!
3:00 PM - Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!
5:00 PM - Milk bones! My favorite thing!
7:00 PM - Got to play ball! My favorite thing!
8:00 PM - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!
11:00 PM - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!
Cat Diary:
Day 983 of my captivity.My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects.They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength. The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape.
In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet.Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a "good little hunter" I am. Bastards!
There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of "allergies." I must learn what this means, and how to use it to my advantage.
Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow -- but at the top of the stairs.
I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches.The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released - and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded.
The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicate with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe. For now...
UPDATE/DISCLAIMER: This is not mine! I received it in an email from a friend who did not want to be identified on the blog. -NK


Blogger Christoph Dollis said...

Very cute.

Mon Jun 18, 12:07:00 AM  
Blogger Christoph Dollis said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

Mon Jun 18, 12:09:00 AM  
Blogger nk said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

Mon Jun 18, 11:16:00 AM  
Blogger Angry White Guy said...

My cat agrees and approves.

Mon Jun 18, 09:16:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Why are you stealing my cat and my dogs journal? Not nice!

very funny

Thu Jun 21, 09:55:00 PM  
Anonymous Dana said...

Our esteemed host disclaimed:

This is not mine! I received it in an email from a friend who did not want to be identified on the blog. -NK

Is your friend a cat or a dog?

Sat Jun 23, 08:02:00 AM  
Blogger nk said...

That would be telling.

Sat Jun 23, 02:21:00 PM  

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