Scully Sells Sussman

We're having an election for Village Trustees and the slate is John E. Scully, Ben Sells and Jean C. Sussman. I am going to vote for all three of them notwithstanding their brochure which reads:

Elect

SCULLY
SELLS
SUSSMAN

April 17, 2007

How Does An Aggie Say "Airplane"?

From Big Lizards.

An Open Offer For Flatulence Offsets To Al Gore

Dear Mr. Gore:

I offer you flatulence offsets at $10.00 per fart on the honor system. Every time you break wind, you pay me ten dollars. Every time I break wind, I refund ten dollars to you. What do you say?

As every enviromentally correct person knows, the major cause of global warming is mammalian flatulence. This world would be so much better off if mammals, and for that matter vertebrates of any kind, had never appeared and the world were populated only by plants, just enough insects to pollinate them and just enough bacteria to biodegrade them in the inevitable "Circle of Life". But that is just wishful thinking.

Well, as though things were not bad enough, among all the climate's other calamities, you appeared. At 6'1" and 300-plus pounds, you are an environmental disaster. I'll leave your lifestyle, like your mansion and Gulfstream jet, for discussion on another day. Right now, I just want to talk about your farting.

Surely you realize that you cannot get as fat as a pig without eating like a pig and consequently farting like a pig. This must certainly distress a sensitive, responsible person like yourself and I am here to "share your pain". And to give you an opportunity to share a portion of my happiness. At a price.

I am 6'3" tall and weigh 165 pounds. Because I don't eat more than I need to. As a happy consequence, my flatulence level is also very low and I wake up every morning delirious at the thought of how little damage I am doing to our world's climate. Wouldn't you like to have your fourteen thousand calories per day offset by my twenty-five hundred?

Contrary to the popular aphorism, you can buy happiness. On the terms set forth above subject to ironing out the details. Please email me for further negotiation if you are interested.

ΧΡΟΝΙΑ ΠΟΛΛΑ, ΑΓΑΠΗ ΜΟΥ

Today is the Fifth Anniversary of the happiest day in my life and of my understanding, finally at age 45, of what happiness really is.

Grow Some Tits Then Preach Impeach

From Ace of Spades.

Stupid Questions At Supreme Court Oral Argument: A Defense Lawyer's Dream

From Justin Levine at Patterico's. The Supreme Court may rule that the defense "I did not know it was illegal [or tortious]" is a valid one for perhaps the first time in the history of jurisprudence.

During oral arguments in the case of Morse v. Frederick (the "Bong Hits 4 Jesus" case) Chief Justice Roberts asked questions of the Plaintiff's attorney which implied that the school principal was supposed to know First Amendment law when she tore the banner off the student's hand and later suspended him in order to be deemed to have lost her "qualified immunity". Justice Scalia seemed to go along in a joking way.

(Now, I don't give a tinker's damn whether the snot-snosed, smart-assed little shit got his "First Amendment" rights violated and I certainly hope he and his lawyers do not get a penny out of this case. Basically, my view of the First Amendment is that it protects things of value to the audience and this little creep offered nothing of the kind.)

But can you imagine the prosecution having to prove that the defendant studied criminal law? If I can win a case with, "Your Honor I move for a directed verdict because the prosecution has presented no evidence that my client ever studied criminal law" ....

ΕΝ ΟΙΔΑ, ΟΤΙ ΟΥΔΕΝ ΟΙΔΑ

I am not a gun-blogger. I only know enough about guns to know how little I know. I still like them though. But if you need help translating the New Testament from the original Greek ....

Yup, That Could Be Me

From A Voice Of Reason. Yup, that could be me: The Man Song.

Don't Ask, Don't Tell, I Don't Give A Rat's Behind

Polipundit, a site which I used to like a lot but now consider partially responsible for the Democrats' control of Congress, quotes stupidity by General Pace about gays in the Armed Forces. Look General:

1. If some nineteen-year old obeys orders to walk point through a minefield I could not care less whether he likes to sleep with men, women or his teddy bear.

2. Every able-bodied citizen has a right to take up arms in defense of our country and that right is not dependent on your view of morality.

3. If some pussy-ass in the Army is worried about some "queer" lusting after his pimply behind and wants the government to protect him, then that pussy-ass does not belong in the Army.

4. So you have no problem sending out soldiers to take an enemy bayonet up the ass (or to shove a bayonet up an enemy's ass) but you have a problem if they take a friendly dick up the ass?

UPDATE: And Polipundit is off my Blog Roll as of right now.

Keeping Guns Out Of The Hands Of Criminals

It seems to me that if someone is caught using a gun to commit a crime, cutting off his hands will definitely insure that he does not do it again. It would not be a bad idea if we applied the same strategy to the prevention of rape and child molestation as well.

Slow-cooked Beef

If I don't have to work today, Sunday dinner will be beef prepared according to a recipe my cousin told me yesterday.

Ingredients:

About four pounds of lean roast (chuck recommended)

Salt and pepper to taste

A 1/4 lb stick of butter

A spoonful of olive oil

About a cup or less of water

2 to 6 ounces of whiskey

Sprinkle the salt and pepper on the beef. In a seven-quart cooking pot pour in the olive oil and water (the only purpose of both is to keep the meat from sticking to the bottom of the pot and singing). Place meat in pot along with the butter which has been cut into 5-6 chunks so it will be more uniformly distributed as it melts.

Cover and simmer COVERED at very low heat for about two and a half hours. The meat will produce its own juices and steam which will cook the meat. Make sure it does not stick to the bottom of the pot especially in the beginning (or at any time if your heat is too high).

Drink up to four ounces of the whiskey as you are waiting for it to cook (optional). After about two and half hours the meat should be very tender. Pour the remaining two ounces of the whiskey over it and simmer covered for about another 5-6 minutes to let the whiskey flavor the meat.

Done.

UPDATE: I made it again but with only half a stick of butter and three cloves of garlic cut into two or three pieces each and thrown in. I liked it better this way.

The Right To Own Weapons Is The Right To Be Free

The Second Amendment protects an individual right to keep and bear arms.

To summarize, we conclude that the Second Amendment protects an individual right to keep and bear arms. That right existed prior to the formation of the new government under the Constitution and was premised on the private use of arms for activities such as hunting and self-defense,the latter being understood as resistance to either private lawlessness or the depredations of a tyrannical government (or a threat from abroad). In addition, the right to keep and bear arms had the important and salutary civic purpose of helping to preserve the citizen militia. The civic purpose was also a political expedient for the Federalists in the First Congress as it served, in part, to placate their Antifederalist opponents. The individual right facilitated militia service by ensuring that citizens would not be barred from keeping the arms they would need when called forth for militia duty. Despite the importance of the Second Amendment’s civic purpose, however, the activities it protects are not limited to militia service, nor is an individual’s enjoyment of the right contingent upon his or her continued or intermittent enrollment in the militia.

Quote via Kit who also posts some pretty cool home movies.

The Burkini

The Burkini is shown at Big Lizards.

(I am not too big to link you, Dafydd.)

Let The Intolerant Beware

Read the whole story. (H/t Jeff Goldstein)
And this poem.

What Are They Teaching Kids These Days?

My eighteen-year old nephew, who is staying with us for a while, has no idea how a firearm works. Any kind. I tried to remedy his (lack of) education. I started with a diagram of a matchlock, proceeded to a flintlock and explained the composition of a cartridge and the function of the hammer and firing pin. We left the lesson at the feeding mechanism of the Spencer rifle. Truly, he needs some hands-on training, not theory. He's a smart kid. I'm sure he'll catch on quickly.

Formula For Making Nitrocellulose (Gun Cotton)

[I posted this as a comment at SayUncle but since blogging abhors a day without a post ....]

This formula may be useful some day when only Flobert CB caps are legal.
How to make smokeless gunpowder base (gun cotton):

90% concentrated nitric acid, 10% concentrated sulfuric acid

(the sulfuric acid is there to “drink” any moisture and further concentrate the nitric acid)

Cotton

Dip the cotton in the solution and saturate for a few seconds

Take out and wash well in running water

Let dry

Finished

Test: Put a match to VERY SMALL quantity. If you did it right, it should disappear with a puff and no residue or lingering smoke cloud of any size.
ACID IS DANGEROUS STUFF. WEAR GOGGLES, RUBBER GLOVES AND USE TONGS TO PUT IN AND TAKE OUT THE COTTON FROM THE ACID.
Source: Junior year high school chemistry class. Mine was perfect.

(And you'll have to go somewhere else to learn how to stabilize it with nitroglycerin. Now that's really dangerous stuff.)

More Ace Consumerism

I posted a few days ago my problems with Ace's drain augers. Well, a toilet auger that I bought from them about a month ago and used only three or four times broke inside the toilet. I had to dip my beautiful Channel-Lok pliers, because it was the handiest tool, in the toilet to pull out the broken coil. I disinfected the pliers with Fantastik and oiled it with WD40. I hope it forgives me. I don't know where Ace's augers are made. I suspect China or Mexico, and even then I don't know where the steel for them comes from. I like my local Ace. The people are knowledgeable and helpful and have helped me jury-rig many a replacement for some 40-year old part. I hope that this is just an isolated bad production run because I want to continue to give them my business.

Impeach Palpatine, Try Vader For War Crimes

Heh!

Arianna, You Are One Cupid Stunt

If you are going to assert in your post the "anonymous, open forum nature of comments in our news section" then at least change your Post A Comment message in that particular post.

H/t Dan Collins.

Yeesh. So all right, you're not one of the maggots who wished Vice-President Cheney dead. Just the provider of the rotten meat they feed on.